attention all medicare recipients...

living where i'm living has been so nice, and even the fact that we don't have cable.
it's caused me to watch a lot less tv (unless you count felicity dvds, all four seasons HELLO).
but sometimes in the mornings i like to drink my coffee and watch the price is right.

besides the fact that drew carey is AWFUL, the commercials are even worse.
they are all about old people.
new power chairs, medicare, dentures, all sorts of medicine, AARP, you name it.
i mean EVERY commercial.

it makes me feel kind of worthless that advertisers think the only people watching the price is right at 10am on weekdays are the old people.

...i need to start my job.

today i...

:: learned ten new GRE words.

:: decided that i am GOING to the university of chicago.

:: watched felicity.

:: got some delicious peach citrus fresca.

:: went on an incredible run in the rain.

:: rediscovered my love for owen.

:: google earthed granada, spain and went through my whole walking route that i used to take to school. man i miss that place.

sometimes days just feel right. this one does, and its not even over.
beauty is everywhere.

i'm comin home again.

well i'm back.

i've been up for almost 24 hours straight, after only sleeping 4 hours the 24 before that.
somehow my eyes are still open,
although i am going to set a record and go to sleep by 9:30 tonight.
i should have slept on the 9 hour plane ride, but i watched three movies instead.
one of them being young @ heart. i cried on the plane.

but soon i promise pictures, stories, and more coherency.

until then, someone go see the dark knight with me.
dank u en goede nacht.

european vacation.

today i am leaving for ireland & amsterdam. this is such a strange trip for me because a) i haven't had time for it to settle in that i am actually going and b) i know next to nothing about either place.

all i know is that i am so ready to learn the cultures. to know how these people live, what they're like, and to embrace it. (which clearly means i will be experiencing fine beer, but NOT participating in what amsterdam is famous for...just to clear that up).

my hope is that i am not another tourist (which will be almost impossible) but a person going into a place to find it's rhythm, what makes it tick. i want to meet people, hear their stories, and love them.

i am entering into a season of my life where I crave knowledge. any and all kinds, but what i have been learning most is what God has to teach me. i have recently become overwhelmed with my lack of theological knowledge, and i was feeling inadequate to say the least. i felt like i had nothing to offer to anyone because i was unsure of my facts. however, that is not what God intended my quest for knowledge to be.
He has breathed so much affirmation into my life in the past week it's incredible. He has been telling me the way He has made me is special, and that He does not expect anything from me than what He has made me for. He has delegated His people to be different, but all part of the same body.
i am learning to not get caught up in what i'm not, but to really grow into what i am. and it is GOOD. and hey, i'm learning more than i think i am.

so here i go, on a journey across the sea. i am so thankful that i get to do things like this, and i pray that i can make the most of it.
and also meet glen hansard. or the guy from p.s. i love you

tanks & cheers.

so it goes.

life is beautiful, and if you need to be reminded of that then you should watch planet earth.
blow your mind.


i have this huge thirst for knowledge lately, like i just need to know about everything. i am realizing how little i actually know about my God, and wondering why that is. i rid the guilt and move into excitement to begin to learn more, hoping that things are sticking in my head and hoping i can stay undistracted for just a while. i am starting to learn more about myself in the Lord, and am beginning to slowly obtain some feelings of hypocrisy and inadequacy. but again, i put aside the guilt and plead for grace and mercy.

and who knows, maybe some of that thirst will rub off on studying for the GRE, which i took a huge step and signed up for it today. no one ask me to do anything on sept.13 at 1:30pm, i will be at metcalf south mall for approximately 4 hours testing my brain.

until then i will begin to be a vocab freak and a problem solving master,
except for when i am in ireland and amsterdam...which just so happens to begin on wednesday.

it freaks me out that fungus can take over certain species and they die strange deaths.
...so it goes.

rest & lay off the caffeine.

i have not had coffee in two days. caffeine withdrawal is an interesting feeling.
and by interesting i mean sucky.

why would i discontinue my energy source you may ask? well it all started with a call to 911...

wednesday night, as i was trying to go to sleep, i began to have very irregular and strange heartbeats. they were getting worse and my mind started to fly. am i having a heart attack? am i just going to die right here? should i cancel my hair cut appointment?

so, instead of waking up my roommate or calling my mom (it was like 1:30am, i didn't want to disturb them with my little emergency) i decided to call 911 and see what they thought i should do. after a short conversation, an ambulance pulls up to my house. i go outside to greet them with a smile and a hello. the paramedic replies with a questioning 'are we here to see you?' i say yes and climb right in like i own the place. the back of an ambulance is really bright and boring. i tell them that as much as i WANT to take a ride, i probably shouldn't because of how costly it is. okay, i didn't say it exactly like that, but that was basically the point.
after they hooked me up to some stuff, monitored my heart, took my blood pressure and pulse, they told me i was fine. fine? really? i don't know about that. my heart is palpitating* here people. but i decided they probably knew best and went out the door of the bright vehicle and back into the real world and to sleep.
thursday i felt pretty alright, but every once and a while i would have this pause of my heart beating, and then all the sudden it would beat like a boom. let me provide an example. thump...thump...thump...........BOOMthumpthumpthump...thump...(note: this is actual proof of my "normal" heartbeats)

so this morning, i went to the doctor to see what the problem is. the good news is, it's most likely not my heart that is having problems, but something else that is causing the strange palpitations. the bad news is that they had to draw a lot of blood and i won't know what it is until monday.

i've made light of the situation because really, how funny is it that i called an ambulance? but in all honesty, i was scared out of my mind that night. as i finally fell asleep after the ambulance incidence, i prayed for peace in my body and God gave it to me. i fell asleep so at peace knowing he was in my heart controlling it. i woke up the next morning truly thankful to be alive and to be breathing. and thankful that i got to go in an ambulance, for free!


*palpitating - a fun word meaning to beat rapidly, strongly, and irregularly.

welcome to july.

if july goes by half as fast as june did, it'll be august tomorrow.
i don't think that made any sense, but you na whatta mean.

i just got home from the lake and have a great sunburn to prove it.
and sore muscles, but that isn't very visible proof.
unless you see me try to walk after sitting for a while.

lately i've been really tired of being alone.
i think it is some void that i'm not letting God fill.
but i am becoming a sappy romantic for no reason.
we'll see how that goes.

i love reading Rilke's poems. if you haven't i suggest you do.
here is one of my favorites:

God speaks to each of us as he makes us
then walks us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is a country they call life,
you will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.


AMEN.